MARCH '16 NEWS

A BELARUS BRIDE

MARCH 2016 NEWSLETTER ARCHIVE

Belarus Bride Russian Matchmaking Newsletter Archive


TUESDAY, MARCH 1, 2016.

Our Olga....

The Person Who Takes Care Of Our Guys While They're In Vitebsk..

..She's With Our Member Trenton Now As We Write Today..

Anyway..Olga Was In Moscow For A Couple Days....

Sent Us Some Great Photos....

Thanks Olga!



WEDNESDAY, MARCH 2, 2016.

We Have Our Member Trenton In Vitebsk..

He's Having A Great Trip!

We Also Have A Bunch Of New Female Members..

We Also Have A Great Joke From Greg..Thanks Bud!

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The Voodoo Penis

 A businessman was getting ready to go on a very lengthy business trip, so he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her occupied while he was away.

He shopped and shopped looking at games and crafts before seeing a sex shop. He went into the sex shop and explained his situation to the clerk.

The salesman there said, "Well, I don't know that I have anything that will

keep her occupied for so many weeks, except... the Voodoo Penis!"

The husband said, "The what?"

The man repeated, "The Voodoo Penis" and pulled out what seemed to be an

ordinary dildo. The husband laughed and said, "It looks like an ordinary dildo!"

The salesman then pointed to the door and said, "Voodoo Penis, door!"

The penis rose out of its box, whizzed over to the door and started banging

away on the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with vibrations,
so much that it shattered the glass.

Then the salesman said "Voodoo Penis, return to box!" and the penis

stopped thrusting and immediately returned to the box.

The husband bought it and took it home to his wife. After the husband had been gone a few days, the wife began to miss him and remembered the Voodoo Penis.

She undressed, opened the box and said, "Voodoo Penis, my vagina."

The penis shot right to her vagina and went into action. It was absolutely

incredible. After three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and

decided she'd had enough.

She tried to pull it out, but it wouldn’t budge. Her husband had neglected to tell

her how to stop it. So she put her clothes on, got in her car and headed to the

hospital.

On the way there, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the

road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for

her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, the woman said, "I haven't had anything to drink officer.

You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis thing stuck in my vagina and it won't stop

screwing me."

The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied, "Yeah

right... Voodoo Penis, my ass!"

The rest is history.

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Hey! Have A Great Day!
Belarus Bride Matchmaking Newsletter



THURSDAY, MARCH 3, 2016.

We've Been Busy..

Our Member Trenton In Vitebsk..

Our Member Kent Goes Next..

Our New Member Bill..

Our New Member Paul..

Time Blowing-By So Quick..

Need To Take A Few Minutes..

Slow Down..

Get More Coffee..

Hey!

Have A Damn Fine Day!
Belarus Bride Matchmaking Newsletter



MONDAY, MARCH 7, 2016.

 Our Bud Greg Sent A Nice Funny..

To Help Get Us Thru Monday.

Thanks Greg!

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Why, Why, Why do we press harder on the remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why do banks charge a fee due to insufficient funds; when they already know you're broke?

Why is it that when someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint you have to touch it to check?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose cruel idea was it to put an "s" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that, no matter what color bubble bath you use, the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people run over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it and then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

How do those dead bugs get into the enclosed light fixtures?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

Why, in winter, do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

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I'm Feel'in Better Already..

Hey! Have A Damn Fine Day!
Belarus Bride Matchmaking Newsletter



TUESDAY, MARCH 8, 2016.

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY:
TO ALL OUR BEAUTIFUL RUSSIAN WOMEN!

LADIES..HAVE A FINE DAY.

HAVE A FINE INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY.

 
Belarus Bride Matchmaking Newsletter



THURSDAY, MARCH 10, 2016.

We Have Rain..And A Good Joke.

For Us Geezers.

--------

 As we "Silver Surfers" know, sometimes we have trouble with our
computers.

I had a problem yesterday, so I called Eric, the 11-year-old next door,
whose bedroom looks like Mission Control and asked him to come over.

Eric clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.

As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?

He replied, 'It was an "ID ten T" error.'

I didn't want to appear stupid, but none-the-less inquired, 'An "ID ten T"
error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'

Eric grinned.... 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?
'No,' I replied.

'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'

So I wrote down:

ID10T

I used to like Eric, the little bastard.

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 Hey! Have A Damn Fine Day!
Belarus Bride Matchmaking Newsletter



FRIDAY, MARCH 11, 2016.

We Change Clocks Ahead An Hour This Saturday Night..

Spring Is Almost Here..

We Have A New Member..Tony..From Chicago..

Welcome Tony!

We Got A Good Joke From Greg..

St. Patrick's Day Coming Next Week..

Thanks Greg!

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 Shortly after take-off on an outbound evening Air Lingus flight from Dublin

to Boston, the lead flight attendant nervously made the following painful

announcement in her lovely Irish brogue: "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so very

sorry, but it appears that there has been a terrible mix-up by our catering

service. I don't know how this has happened, but we have 103 passengers on

board, and unfortunately, we received only 40 dinner meals.

I truly apologize for this mistake and inconvenience.”

When the muttering of the passengers had died down, she continued, "Anyone

who is kind enough to give up their meal so that someone else can eat will

receive free, unlimited drinks for the duration of our 5 hour flight.”

Her next announcement came about 2 hours later: "If anyone is hungry, we

still have 40 dinners available.”

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Hey! Have A Nice Day..And..
HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEKEND!

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 MONDAY, MARCH 14, 2016.

Here's Our SmugMug Photo Album..

Vitebsk WWII Photos. See If You Can Spot Himmler.

http://www.abelarusbridephotos.com/Vitebsk-Belarus-War-Photos/


While You're At It..

Have A Damn Fine Day!
Belarus Bride Matchmaking Newsletter



WEDNESDAY, MARCH 16, 2016.

Now That I Know What Day It Is..

Tomorrow Is St. Patrick's Day!

Greg Sent Us A Good Joke To Help Celebrate..Thanks Bud!

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 As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus..

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus Driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, Thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.

So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the Second time attempted the step.

Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist And placed her gently on the step of the bus.

She went ballistic and turned to the Would-be Samaritan And yelled, 'How dare you touch my body!

I don't even know who you are!'

The Texan smiled and drawled,

'Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you,

But after you unzipped my fly three times,

I kinda figured we was friends.'

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Hey! Have A Wonderful Day!
Belarus Bride Matchmaking Newsletter



FRIDAY, MARCH 18, 2016.

Sunday Is The First Day Of Spring!

Of Course..We'll Get Snow.

That's OK..Greg Sent Us A Funny. Thanks Bud!

 -------------

Online Dating:

Why this person's request was rejected:

-------------

E-Harmony

Sorry, Your Application To Join Our Matchmaking Service Has Been Rejected.

You Failed Question #14. “What Do You Like Most In A Woman?”

“MY DICK” Was Not An Acceptable Answer.

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Have A Damn Fine Day..And..

HAVE A DAMN FINE WEEKEND!
Belarus Bride Matchmaking Newsletter



SUNDAY, MARCH 20, 2016.

Stopping By Today..To Wish Our Good Friend + Member Kent..

A Great Time In Vitebsk.

Kent Arrived..Got With His Lady..

Hey Bud! Please Give Your Lady A Big..

Hug + Kiss From Us!

Hey! Have A Nice Day!

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WEDNESDAY, MARCH 23, 2016.

Kent Is Having A Great Time With His Stunning Lady In Vitebsk..

Glenn Gets On The Plane Soon..

To Be With His Stunning Woman..

All Packed Glenn?

We Have A Nice Joke From Greg..Thanks Bud!

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There is one in every family…..

A father told his three sons when he sent them to the university: "I feel it's my duty to provide you with the best possible education, and you do not owe me anything for that. However, I want you to appreciate it; as a token, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die."

And so it happened. The sons became a doctor, a lawyer, and a financial planner, each very successful financially.

When they saw their father in the coffin one day, they remembered his wish.

First it was the doctor who put ten $100 bills onto the chest of the deceased.

Then came the financial planner, who put a $1,000 bill there, too.

Finally, it was the heartbroken lawyer’s turn. He dipped into his pocket, took out his checkbook, wrote a check for $3,000, put it into his father's coffin, and took the $2,000 cash.

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Hey! Have A Great Day!

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FRIDAY, MARCH 25, 2016.

Today Is Good Friday..

SUNDAY..EASTER.

HAVE A WONDERFUL EASTER!



TUESDAY, MARCH 29, 2016.

We Have A Joke! Thanks Greg!

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LORD, THEY ARE FINALLY TOGETHER

 

Judy married Ted; they had 13 children.

When Ted died, she married again, and she and Bob had 7 more children.

Bob was killed in a car accident.

Judy married again, and this time, she and John had 5 children.

Judy finally died, after having 25 children.

Standing before her coffin, the priest prayed for her.

He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, "Lord, they are finally together."

Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend Margaret, "Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?”

Margaret replied, "I think he means her legs!"

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Hey! Have A Damn Fine Day!

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 THURSDAY, MARCH 31, 2016.

Last Day Of March..

Personal Note: Have A Great Trip To Vitebsk Glenn!

Another Personal Note: Way To Go Kent!

Have A Good Trip Back Home Bud!

That's What We Know This Rainy Morning..

Tomorrow Is April 1, April Fool's Day.

Hey! Have A Damn Fine Day!

BELARUS BRIDE RUSSIAN WOMEN MATCHMAKING NEWSLETTER


BELARUS BRIDE RUSSIAN BRIDES NEWSLETTER

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